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Marriage, divorce, and sexual immorality is a very hot topic in today’s world. The bible talks quite a bit about sexual immorality, marriage, and even divorce, and these topics rage on today.
As you may imagine, there are tons of circumstances which may arise concerning marriages. Today I received a great question regarding divorce & remarriage. Here is the question:
My question is about adultery. My friend is divorced from her 1st husband and she is now married to a divorced man. I thought that marrying a divorced woman was the sin of adultery. My friend says “the Blood as washed away the sin”. Is this correct? Can we commit sin, knowing full well that we are sinning and then justify it by saying the “Blood” has washed the sin away?
-Hunnee
This is an excellent question, and I am sure there are several circumstances such as these in the world today. Since this is such a great question, I want to be careful & try to address each individual part.
I will try to break this question up & answer it in the parts below:
- What does the bible say about marriage?
- What does the bible say about divorce?
- Should people re-marry after divorce?
- Can the sin of adultery in this context of your question be forgiven, and what is required to be forgiven in God’s eyes?
What Does the Bible Say About Marriage?
First off, when I talk about marriage, I am talking about a union between one man and one woman. This is the way God originally intended for a marriage to work, as we can see from the bible.
Marriage is meant to be a fulfilling bond between a man and a woman. Notice the story of Adam & Eve in the bible: God created Adam, and all of the animals. However, Adam was lonely, and did not have a suitable mate. Therefore, God created Eve from Adam’s ribs, and Adam proclaimed,
This is at last bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called a woman, because she was taken out of man. (Genesis 2:23)
I find that story so moving, because we see that Adam was finally fulfilled by a woman. The bible speaks in many places how it is very good for a man to have a wife, or for a wife to have a husband. God understands how a loving bond between two people can be very fulfilling & rewarding. The bible even says,
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
Not only is a marriage fulfilling, but it is sacred in God’s eyes, and God makes it very clear that He expects a marriage to last for as long as they both live. In Matthew 10 we see this comment: “Therefore, what God has joined together, man must never separate.”
Furthermore, Adam & Eve lived an incredibly long time. We aren’t told when Eve died, but Adam died at age 930! And by the biblical account we can assume Adam & Eve remained together until death (they continued to make children). Now if Adam & Eve can do a marriage for hundreds of years, you would think we could make it work for just a mere 60 years or so until death, right?
So it is very clear from the whole entire bible that God supports marriage, it is intended to be between 1 man and 1 woman, and it is meant to last a lifetime. Those are facts fully supported by scripture.
Today, many people see marriage as nothing more than dating. When they get bored with their spouse, they want a divorce so they can go and get a new spouse. Celebrities seem to do this all the time. Or the first time a problem pops up in a marriage, divorce seems to be the most popular option for today. This is terrible, as divorce should never be an option between couples, except in the case of marital unfaithfulness or other terrible sin (such as extreme abuse).
What Does the Bible Say About Divorce?
The bible also makes it clear that while God “LOVES” marriage, he “HATES” divorce. If you take a look at today’s society, it isn’t too hard to see why a loving God would be strongly opposed to divorce.
My parents divorced when I was young, and I had to grow up without a father–something that was very difficult emotionally. The same thing happened to my wife. I have seen other family members have their lives & families ravaged by divorces. They are terrible, and they leave scars on children & ex-spouses for their entire lives.
The high divorce rate in the world right now is demolishing the family unit. It promises a hard future for all of the divorce victims involved (financially, emotionally, etc.).
In Malachi 2:16 it reads,
“For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the LORD of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”
So it is apparent that God really dislikes (even hates) divorce, and why not? It isn’t like God forces us into a marriage. We have free will to choose our spouses in life, and once we make that choice we must stand by it. I too agree with God that divorce is really just a terrible thing, and it should be avoided like a plague.
We should all take the time to get to know our potential mates, and fully understand their personality, views, religious beliefs, etc. before entering into a life-long commitment with them. Sure people may change over time, but in general, if you are careful to pick a mate that you truly love (and they love you back), then you will rarely go wrong.
Jesus also mentions divorce in Matthew 5:31
But I say to you, any man who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
This makes it clear that divorcing is a sin unless there is a strong reasoning behind it (sexual immorality on the part of the other spouse).
The Apostle Paul also speaks of divorce in 1 Corinthians 7:12-15 saying:
But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.
In the passage above, Paul reiterates Jesus’ point that couples should stay together. If a husband leaves his wife for a trivial reason other than sexual immorality or other serious sin, then he commits the sin of adultery & causes her to do the same. Paul then goes on to talk about a situation where a husband is a non-believer, and yet the woman is a believer. He says that they should remain married unless one leaves or is discontent.
He then commands that if a married couple does separate, they must remain unmarried throughout their life, or be reconciled to the original spouse.
Should People Re-Marry After a Divorce? Is the Sin of Adultery Forgivable?
The bible is very clear in Paul & Jesus’ words that it is a sin to remarry in the event of a trivial divorce. Only in the event of extreme sexual immorality (or another major sin against a spouse), is a divorce acceptable to God.
However, if an extreme sin was committed (Jesus mentions adultery/sexual immorality), then the bible suggests that remarriage is acceptable (or at least not a sin) for the innocent party.
Remember, Jesus says that if a man divorces his wife (except on the grounds of sexual immorality), he causes her to commit adultery, and a man who marries that previously divorced woman commits adultery. The way this is presented, it gives the impression that it is NOT a sin to marry a person who divorced for proper reasons. This all seems kind of complicated, so let me offer a few scenarios to help it make sense based on the above scriptures:
Scenario #1:
Bob is married to Lisa. Bob cheats on Lisa with another woman. Lisa finds out & divorces Bob. This scenario for divorce on Lisa’s part is biblical & acceptable. Lisa is free to marry another man & it is NOT considered a sin to do so. Bob, on the other hand, has committed the sin of adultery & is guilty of this sin before God. Bob should repent, or else he has the sin of adultery by which he will be judged.
Scenario #2:
Dan is married to Jenny. Dan & Jenny grow tired of each other over the years. They both agree to get a divorce & move on with their lives. There is no major reason, they just disagree & argue a lot, and would prefer to date other people. This is a sin, and they have no grounds for divorce & should work it out. But, they do divorce, and then Dan marries another woman. Dan has committed yet another sin (adultery). Jenny also marries another man. Again, the bible indicates this is a sin too.
In this scenario, these people are not following God’s commands. God specifically gave the command to follow his word, and by disobeying, they are stuck in sin. Unless they repent, they will be judged by this sin.
These are just 2 examples of a couple of possible scenarios. There could be a thousand different ways people could potentially divorce & re-marry, so the issue is something one must work out on an individual basis & compare it with scripture.
Can the Sin of Adultery & Remarriage Be Forgiven if One Repents? Is There a Similar Story in the Bible?
Since this is such an interesting question, and the bible is very clear that most cases of divorce (and remarriage after divorce) can be a sin, it begs the question: Is this sin forgivable if one truly repents to God?
My answer would be: Yes, any sin is forgivable if one truly repents. But we must understand what repenting means in this situation, and let me give a similar story that happens in the bible.
What you described about your friend is somewhat similar to what the bible tells about the story of King David & Bathsheba. As you probably know, King David has plenty of wives, yet sees a woman bathing naked one day and lusts after her. She is a married woman (married to Uriah).
So David sends for her, and seduces her to sleep with him. In that situation, David is married, Bathsheba was married, and they both committed the sin of adultery. Then, David also goes on to have Uriah killed. He then takes Bathsheba as his wife. At this point, David is knee deep in sin.
The bible makes it clear that this was wrong, and David is punished for this sin. But the question we should ask is: Was David & Bathsheba both forgiven? I think we can agree that, yes, when David repented God forgave him, and his marriage to Bathsheba (while initially wrong & sinful), became sanctified by God’s grace. This can be evidenced by the fact that God blesses David’s second son with Bathsheba (Solomon) as King over Israel, and God remains a faithful servant of God.
If there is no way to repent for a sin, then we will be trapped in that sin forever. The bible says when we genuinely repent, God forgets & forgives our sin. We become a new creation once again. There is no limit to the number of times we can repent, however, there is a requirement that the repentance must be genuine & taken seriously by you. God knows if you are serious or just “doing it” to appear genuine.
Plus, remember all the times the disciples sinned, the prostitute sinned, etc., and yet they were all forgiven. Not only that, but remember all of the bible prophets & disciples great sins that were forgiven:
- Paul killed the early Christians, yet turned out to be one of the greatest evangelists for Christ & God.
- Moses was a murderer, but God forgave Moses & delivered a nation through him.
- King Solomon temporarily committed idolatry, but God forgave him
- David was a murderer & adulterer, but God forgave him
You see, we all commit sins, and even the most beloved by God Himself were sinners. However, we must genuinely repent & turn from sins.
In the situation where someone has divorced in a way against the bible: It was a sin. When they remarried, they committed adultery again & sinned. However, if they genuinely repent for their sin before God, they can be forgiven. In that situation, the married couple should remain together, lest they sin again. They have been sanctified by God’s grace.
For if sins cannot be forgiven, we are all liable to judgement. We will all fail judgement, as we have all sinned. Yet, if we turn away from wrong, repent, and do what is right, then we are cleansed of our sin by the mercy of God & sacrifice of Christ.
Conclusion: Did Your Friends Do Wrong & Sin? Can They Repent of Sin?
I do not know the details surrounding the first divorce of you friends. However, if it was a reason other than sexual immorality or severe abuse, etc., then indeed they committed a sin in their divorce. When they remarried, they indeed committed another sin of adultery (since that original divorce was not approved in God’s eyes).
However, if your friends have genuinely repented, they are redeemed in God’s eyes, and the marriage is justified (just as King David & Bathsheba’s marriage was eventually justified). Only God knows the circumstances of the divorce, and if they were genuine in their repentance. If they were genuine, they are forgiven. At this point, they should remain together, and sin no more. They should repent of all their sins, and remain married & follow God’s laws from here on. Divorce at this point would be another sin.
This can be illustrated with another example: Suppose your friends weren’t Christians at all, and yet were married. Perhaps they were fornicating & committing adultery & worshiping false Gods all the time behind each other’s backs, and they thought this was acceptable behavior. Then, one day they both became Christians. All their marital sins would be forgiven, and they would be expected to follow God’s laws from then on. Their marriage would be then sanctified by God. This situation is no different to your friends. They did wrong in the past, but if the genuinely repent, they are now a new creation. They should move on & sin no more.
Also, let me make a comment about the “Sin & Repent” game some Christians like to play. Some Christians these days have the idea that they can sin when they want, and then repent afterwards, and all will be fine. They can party on Saturday night, and repent on Sunday morning. It doesn’t work that way folks.
Any time a sin is committed there are physical & spiritual consequences. Sure, King David & Bathsheba were forgiven for their sin, but it came at a terrible consequence/price. That sin literally ate away at King David for a long time spiritually, and He & Bathsheba lost their first son as a result of this sin, which further emotionally scarred David & Bathsheba.
People who get divorced pay a very serious price on Earth, whether they are forgiven by God or not. Just because God forgives our sin, doesn’t mean we won’t still face consequences. People who divorce still have to divide assets, children are hurt & scarred for life, people may never view you the same again, and other unknown possible negative consequences could come from the decision to sin.
Therefore, people should never sin & think, “Oh, I can do what I want & repent later.” This is a dangerous way to live, and severe consequences can result from this as people will quickly find out. When a sin is committed it usually affects at least 2 people (God, and you), and probably many others in a very negative way. It is indeed impossible to commit a sin & not face a consequence from it (either by God, life, or both).
Even though we are forgiven, that doesn’t mean we won’t have to deal with the cause & effect of sinning. Adam & Eve were forgiven, but they never again got to enter paradise of Eden while they were alive on Earth.
I have also written another article on adultery & divorce if you are interested in reading more.
Thanks for the excellent question, and have a great day!
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Posted under Ask a Question, bible questions, marriage and divorce
