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Here is another question I received about marriage, divorce, and adultery. Again, I appreciate your questions Jeff. If you have anymore I will try to address them. It may not be today, but I will try and address them as soon as possible.
Hi. I recently submitted a question regarding David, Bathsheba, adultery and forgiveness but found your response to another question that was quite similar, so I’ll submit a different question on the same subject. I still disagree I guess. I believe that the fact that Uriah was dead made a difference.
According to scripture, if someone marries someone who is divorced or marries again after divorcing (implication that their spouse is still alive) then they are COMMITTING adultery and adulterers will not inherit the kingdom of God. David and Bathsheba’s scenario is different in that her spouse is dead. I do not think a time frame makes a difference.
What about a faithful spouse that prays for the salvation of the spouse that left them and for their return and never asked for a divorce? The divorced spouse is still alive? If someone truly repents, aren’t we to repay those we’ve wronged and honor broken committments? The Bible says that murderers will not inherit the kingdom of God, but that is a one time action. It happened in the past and is completed…it can be forgiven and regretted as though you wished you never did it. Most sin is like that..I can’t think of sin that is not….other than adultery. Adultery seems to be continuous…you’re still sleeping with the spouse of someone else who is still alive…how can you regret that sin and still enjoy it…especially in the case where the rightful spouse is praying for salvation and a reconciliation and restoration of a rightful marriage and that family?
I believe God is for that more so than starting a new relationship when the original relationship is still able to restored. If both parties are where they should be…if the adulterous spouse is truly repentant, I believe they will be at a place where they are open to allow God to restore the relationship they betrayed. If they are not truly repentant, they will rebeliously seek to continue the wrong relationship they have forged. Of course, in the case of David and Bathsheba, there was no opportunity for that…it was allowable to continue in the relationship because Uriah was not still alive. Interested to see your thoughts. Thanks.
Is Remarriage Only Acceptable After Divorce If Death Has Occurred?
The first part of your argument is that if someone divorces and gets remarried while the other spouse is alive they are committing adultery. I understand why you say this, but it isn’t so.
I can prove that remarriage after divorce is not always a sin using 2 scriptures:
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9
Jesus himself in this scripture says a divorce can happen and remarriage can happen and not be sinful if adultery has happened to the one spouse. The scripture above can be restated to say this: If your spouse cheats on you and you divorce them, you can remarry and it isn’t a sin.
That is what Jesus’ words mean. That is crystal clear. So Jesus himself gives an example of a divorce and remarriage that isn’t sinful. The second scripture would be this:
If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4
In this scripture, it actually says the original man SHOULDN”T remarry the same woman as you have suggested if she has slept with another or remarried. If the man divorced a woman, and she remarried, he should never again get back with her! It would be defiling God’s laws according to this! So this refutes you idea, and this is exactly what I mean about the time factor. People tend to move on after a few weeks or a few months (or a year or so).
So these 2 examples right here directly refute your assumption that death is the only thing that makes a remarriage valid. It just isn’t true! You would have to ignore what Jesus said, and ignore this scripture above to believe that.
Furthermore, at this point in time, stoning would be the punishment for adultery. Yet surprisingly, this scripture above says nothing about the remarried woman being stoned. This also refutes your notion that the woman or man was in an adulterous state still.
Your Example of a Faithful Spouse Willing to Reconcile
Again, I think many people misinterpret what I am saying about this whole marriage, divorce, adultery and repentance issue.
Let’s take your example. A man leaves a woman for a non-biblical reason. The woman is at home crying for weeks hoping the husband returns and repents.
In this situation, I totally agree that the man should reconcile, repent, and turn back to his wife. So we are in complete agreement here. I am all for people trying to work it out and repent. I am all for families staying together. I am all for a person doing the right thing. But we have to look at this in a “real life” circumstance. People should honor their committment to spouses and God.
Okay, now enters the “time factor.” The man never comes back! Okay, so the woman eventually gets over it. She moves on. She remarries. Then, the man is married as well. This is usually what 99.9% of people will do: They move on in some way. Most people will not sit at home in a corner for years in hopes that a spouse committing adultery will someday return on a white horse. Instead, the move on!
One day the man wants to repent. So you are telling me that in order for this man to “truly repent,” he must not only divorce his current spouse, but go back to his other one who is already married again and has slept with another man (which violates God’s command in Deut.)? This is absurd. The scripture in Deuteronomy refutes this idea. It says he should NOT remarry a woman (or original spouse) after she has married another man!
Or let me paint another scenario. A man leaves his wife for a sinful reason. He marries another woman. She has a child. 2 years later, he leaves her. He marries again. Has another child. 2 years later, he leaves her. He marries another woman, and has another child.
Then, behold, one day he sees the error of his ways. He wants to be a Godly man, and repents. Which wife does he go back to? What if wife#1 no longer wants him and moved on or refuses to reconcile?
What if wife #2 also remarried? Or what if one died? How in this situation do you presume to tell a Christian what they should do? Is he forever doomed to Hell? Can this man not be saved even though he may be fervently praying to God for forgiveness? Can he not repent? Do you flip a coin to pick which wife he stays with?
I have a simple solution: Do what the bible says you should do. Repent for your past wrong-d0ings. Do not seek to reconcile with the older wives who have remarried, died, or moved on. Instead, make your new marriage HOLY. Do not commit adultery again! Simple, and yet biblical!
This is not unscriptural. Jesus says a person can remarry without being a widow. Deuteronomy refutes your notion that they absolutely must reconcile with their original spouse. In fact, it says DO NOT do that if they have slept with another person during your separation!
See, when you think of this in real life, consider the time factor, and so forth, it is really pointless to force a person who wants to repent to get a divorce in order to be saved. Especially if they are both willing to make their new marriage holy and follow God’s laws.
Some More Examples You Aren’t Considering
Expanding even more on this topic. You seem to have a stance where unless the person is dead, the remarriage isn’t valid. It seems to be that in your eyes, if a person has divorced and remarried they are in a constant state of adultery…UNLESS one of spouses die.
My first comment on this is that if you are saying when a person dies, only then the marriage is made whole, right? So if Uriah had lived, but wanted to divorce Bathsheba anyway (and let David have her), that David would be a sinner regardless of how much he repented until Uriah died. You do realize that Moses’ law allowed for him to legally write her a certificate of divorce at this point. Uriah had full rights to divorce Bathsheba if he wanted.
So the second Uriah’s heart stopped beating, David is saved at that point, but his repentance means nothing until Uriah’s heart stops? Do you see how that doesn’t seem right? You are basically saying that if Uriah divorced Bathsheba, and David remained with her but repented daily, he would not actually been forgiven until Uriah died. Then, on that day, his marriage would be fine. See how that makes no sense.
So you mean to tell me that if David remained married and repented daily and followed God’s will perfectly and stayed with Bathsheba (who was divorced from Uriah), he wouldn’t actually be saved until Uriah’s took his last breath and died?
Here is something else to consider: The bible says adultery is a reason for a Biblical divorce. So if a man leaves a woman to be with another, he has committed adultery.
You are saying that in your eyes, they are still married before God even if they got a divorce, because the divorce was not biblical. But when the man cheated, adultery IS a reason for a biblical divorce. So the other spouse who was cheated on had the right to be separated and remarry.
So what happens when the woman gets remarried. If we stick to your interpretation, it seems she is now cheating on her original husband who left her (since in your eyes they were still married).
So now they have both committed adultery against one another! They both have a right to a biblical divorce at this point. So wouldn’t their new marriage be made valid, since they have both technically committed adultery by sleeping with their new spouses?
See, there are several factors you aren’t considering, and you are not paying attention to Jesus’ words, Deuteronomy, or King David’s situation. You also are not really considering real life situations.
Is Adultery an Act or a State of Being?
The answer is: Both. It can be an act, and it can be a state of being. If you have sex 1 time outside of marriage, and then repent, you are forgiven. That would be an example of an ACT of adultery.
A “state” of adultery is someone cheated on a spouse, and never repented. In that case, they are in a state of adultery and liable in judgment. If someone left a spouse for an unbiblical reason, and slept with others (or remarried), that too can be a state of adultery.
But we must ask the question: How does a person who wants to follow God Repent from a “STATE” of adultery. The answer is that they must repent, and never commit adultery outside of the new marriage again.
Perhaps the old spouse would like to reconcile. But then again, they may have remarried themselves, moved away, slept with another person, or died.
We cannot put a heavy yoke on someone and force them to divorce their current spouse when there is not enough biblical proof to suggest so. In fact, there are direct scriptures of David and Bathsheba, and in Deuteronomy that show that someone can divorce and remarry without being in a constant state of adultery.
Remember, This Example Does Not Encourage Divorce–It Only Explains Repentance After the “Sin”
Again, I in NO WAY encourage divorce or adultery. That is not what my article about David and Bathsheba is about. My article is about “How would a true Christian repent from wrongdoing long after the fact?” My answer is; repent and never commit adultery again against the new marriage.
It is wrong to break God’s will. What happens when people divorce for frivolous reasons? What happens when people commit adultery? Bad things happen! Look at David, he had terrible misfortune.
When people divorce, they ARE NOT doing God’s will (unless they have a biblical reason for doing so). You will pay a heavy price for doing it. Be prepared to face the following consequences for anyone who divorces or commits adultery:
- A divorce will likely split your entire life-savings right down the middle
- You can count on possibly paying alimony, child support, attorney fees, and other expenses that will likely make you poor (or at least much more poor than before).
- You face ridicule by society, friends, and more.
- You will face consequences in life from your actions (cause and effect).
- You will face punishment from God (as in David’s case). And this could be really bad punishment regardless of your repentance (death, financial loss, health problems, etc.).
- And you are in danger of judgment unless you repent.
As anyone can see, there is no good reason to get a divorce or commit adultery unless they are a glutton for misery and punishment! In other words, please just don’t do it folks! It isn’t worth the high price you will have to pay in the end.
Again, I will cite an example in the media recently. I mean no disrespect at all, and I am not trying to judge. But recently on the news a retired quarterback for the Tennessee Titans was shot and killed. As it turns out, he was cheating on his wife (adultery). He was shot by the woman he was cheating with (a much younger girl).
In this example, we can see what happens when we do not follow God’s will. Bad things can happen. Had this man not cheated on his wife, he would be alive right now. He could still be a father to the children he left behind. Again, I mean no disrespect and I am not judging. I am simply showing a real life example of what happens when we don’t follow God’s will.
Conclusion: Remarriage Can Be Acceptable to God, Even When It Was Based on Sin
As I hope I have pointed out, remarriage can be sinless after repentance, EVEN IF the other original spouse is alive. Again, Deuteronomy and Jesus both give an example of how this can happen and not be counted as a sin.
Furthermore, I totally understand what you mean and actually agree with you that people should strive to reconcile, repent, and so forth. But my article isn’t about “should people divorce and remarry.” Obviously I am strongly against that.
Instead, my article is about, “What do we do with a person who wants to repent and follow God’s will, yet has divorced and married with a reasonable passage of time.” In that situation, I still stand by what I said originally: Commit yourselves to God from now on, and honor your new marriage and do not sin again.
It would be best if they stayed married to the original spouse. It would be best if they did get a divorce to remain single afterwards. But if they have remarried, there is no point to divorce yet again, and break up another home. They should just honor their new marriage and serve God.
We cannot expect a new Christian who wants to repent to divorce his current wife, split their assets, and go back to a spouse who may have already slept with another person (which goes against Deut.), may have remarried, or may not even want them.
God doesn’t do this with David, there is no scriptural reason to believe these people would not also be forgive if they truly repent. In this case, they are no longer in a state of adultery.
Update: This has been extended to 2 sections. Click to read part 2.
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Posted under Ask a Question, bible questions, marriage and divorce
