Hello Everyone!
I recently received a great question about homosexuality. Here is the complete question below:
You answered a question of mine on Yahoo Answers not long ago, and invited me to ask more questions if I had them. Needless to say, there are always more questions to ask, so I hope that you meant what you said, because I will ask as many questions as you will permit.
You recently replied to a question on homosexual marriage on your blog. I – a bisexual man – agree with your stance on gay marriage for the most part. Marriage is a religious ceremony, so who is eligible for marriage is up to the church, and the government has no right to force it to do anything. “Separation of Church and State” goes both ways in my opinion.
I guess I just want to clear up a fairly common misconception first. Being bisexual doesn’t mean having one male partner and one female partner, it just means that you’re attracted to both sexes. I actually think of it as a blessing because we can see the beauty in everyone. If that sounds corny then I apologize.
My question is: “Do you think that homosexuality is a choice? Why or why not?”
I tend toward the idea that it is not a choice and agree with the “When did you choose to be straight?” argument.
Also, consider teenagers that are banished from their homes because of their sexual orientation. It seems completely out of the realm of possibility that someone would wish that upon themselves.
Sigourney Weaver recently starred in a made for TV movie called “Prayers for Bobby.” It is about a boy growing up with an ultra-religious mother while he struggles with his sexuality. I thought that it was a great representation of the pain that most homosexual teenagers from a strong religious background experience.
Lastly, assuming that there is no choice, then we have found a flaw in the very idea of Christianity, God’s infallible word. The bible says that homosexual activity is a sin, but it also says that man is made in God’s image. These can’t both be true given the above scenario. It would suggest that the Bible was mis-translated or altered in its long existence.
I have taken up more than my fair share of your time for one question, so I will stop there. Please feel free to summarize my question if you feel that it is too long. I only ask that you answer my question, be it on your blog, or by e-mail I don’t care. Believe it or not, I greatly value your opinion.
Thanks so much for the great question. First, before I answer the question, I just wanted to let you know that I always welcome questions, and please feel free to ask as many as you want. I always reply on the blog, so that way others who may have the same question can see my reply. I always reply, even if it takes me a day or two sometimes. I have a deep interest in the topics I write about, and I can see you have an interest in this stuff as well.
You said you were a bi-sexual. I don’t condemn people like some “christians” may, so just to let you know I totally respect you and would love to talk religious stuff with you or anyone else. I try to have love and respect for all people, and that is something I feel everyone should do. I have friends who are atheists, muslim, gay, straight, married, single, alcoholics, etc. I label people as “human” and not by what they may do in their private life.
I also can understand the pain and frustration people deal with when it comes to homosexuality. It can be a difficult thing for many people and also families. I will talk about that towards the end of my response.
Okay, back to your question, which is a great one…
Do you think that homosexuality is a choice? Why or why not?
I think the act of having sex with a person of the same sex (homosexuality) is a choice (at least the sex part), just like most things in life. Let me explain why: Homosexuality, according to most definitions, is the sexual relationship between two people of the same sex. I think we can agree on that, right? Because if you take the sex part out, then it would just be a “friendship.”
Two people of the same sex that have a connection, but don’t have a sexual aspect to it are called, “friends.” When you bring sex into the picture, the relationship changes into something else. So two people that have sexual desires/feelings/relationships together would be defined as “homosexual.”
Now there are 2 parts to homosexuality: The “feeling” part, and the “sex” part. Let me break down each of these two aspects from a religious point of view and show you what I believe is a choice and what isn’t a choice:
1. The “feeling” part: God does not, and has not, ever judged people for what they “feel.” Homosexual “feelings” themselves are not a sin. We can’t help what we feel sometimes. Temptation itself is never a sin. The bible tells us in the New Testament that Jesus was tempted in every way as us humans. That means he was tempted sexually too. But he never gave into those feelings. Again, we cannot always control what thoughts we think, or the things that enter our mind. But God never holds us accountable for these things.
So just feeling a sexual attraction to someone doesn’t make it a “sin.” So perhaps a person feels a sexual attraction to a person of the same sex. That is not a sin in itself. Perhaps a 60 year old man feels a sexual attraction to a 4 year old boy. That feeling itself is not a sin. However, if he gives into that feeling, then the bible calls that a sin. Of course, it also warns not to commit sin in your heart (meaning not to dwell on those feelings to a point where it totally controls your mind). It is our responsibility to have discipline in that regard.
The same applies to all things. I could say that a murderer is born that way. Perhaps some people in society have a predisposition to wanting to kill someone. But at the end of the day, they choose whether or not they give into that desire.
I am a married man, and I am completely 100% heterosexual. My wife is my only sexual partner in life, and love her with all of my heart. But I also may feel feelings of attraction to other women at points in my life. That is natural. We have all sorts of “feelings” in life. But it would be inappropriate to give into those feelings and cheat on my wife. Even though I may not be able to control how I “feel,” I can control what I do. I can also choose to stop thinking about other women, and focus only on my wife. Even if I can’t help certain feelings that may pop up from time to time, I can choose whether or not I want those feelings to control my mind. I can also control whether or not I act on those feelings. That brings me to the 2nd part of homosexuality: The physical act.
2. The Physical Part of Homosexuality: In part one above, I talked about how we can’t help our feelings. However, we can help how we act on those feelings. I can’t help if I feel attracted to other women, however, I can choose at the end of the day to have sex with them or not. A man maybe feels attracted sexually to a child. He chooses whether or not to molest that child.
In another example: I may feel angry if someone killed my brother (just an example). I can’t help those feelings. But I choose at the end of the day whether or not I commit the physical act of murder to the person that murdered him- to avenge his death. So I think it is clear that while we can’t help our feelings, we can help our actions. The action (sex) part of homosexuality is, and always will be, a choice- since we consciously choose to engage in the act. God judges us on that which we can help, and that which we choose to do. He never judges us based on what we feel, only what we choose to do.
So in the argument in your question that people sometimes say, “when did you choose to be straight.” I understand people using that argument, especially when a person is trying to be judgemental towards them. The answer to the argument is that we didn’t choose our feelings. But we do choose if we have sex, who we have sex with, and when we have sex. That is the flaw in that argument.
We all have feelings that we have that aren’t appropriate at all times. That is a part of being a human being. It is a temptation that we all face in this life, and we will face them for as long as we live-even in old age sometimes. The bible says that all people feel this, and regardless of what inappropriate feeling we may have (murder), we make the choice. We have all done wrong, and we have all fallen short of God’s glory.
Now, about your comment of Sigourney Weaver’s movie, and the way homosexuals are treated:
I absolutely do not tolerate people doing hate crimes and so forth to people for any reason, especially because they may be a homosexual. It really frustrates me to hear that, and I would absolutely defend a person at any time against a hate crime or someone trying to bully them.
The thing that frustrates me the most about that, is that many of the people doing the hate crime because they view homosexuality as a sin, is actually committing a sin by judging and having pride (by assuming they themselves are sinless). Not only that, but I doubt they are condemning their friends who sleep with multiple partners, or cheat on their spouse, etc. They pick and choose which “sins” are acceptable. That is just wrong.
So I definitely feel sorry for anyone who is treated that way. I know homosexuality is a difficult thing for the person feeling it, and the parents, friends, and other family members. Any parent that forces their child to leave home is a sad parent! I bet they wouldn’t do that if their kid slept with someone out of the context of a marriage (a sin). So why would they do that if their child was a homosexual? It makes no sense and I feel for anyone that deals with those kinds of parents in their struggle.
Conclusion:
So I hope I have helped you understand my perspective on it. God doesn’t judge us based on what we feel, since we can’t help that. He only judges our actions. Even Jesus was tempted in every way, but he rejected every temptation he was given. If we give into those actions, then it is considered a “sin.” However, we have all “sinned,” and God forgives us of our sins if we seek His forgiveness.
Thanks again for the great question. If you have any more, please let me know. I enjoy writing about these things, and I have a deep interest in spirituality. It may take a day or so for me to reply, but I always post the answer on the home page (Holyplan.com). Have a great night!
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Posted under Ask a Question, homosexuality
